And we’re off...

Bare with me people cause this edition of the Debateam© is very condensed (guess what? I’m oh so busy with school, I just might fabricate a trip to south America just to get some spare time – and that my friends is the modern day Rod of Security...), we’ll be going from side to side on the outcomes of stupidity (yes, again), the role played type and casual everyday moronic traits in a person’s persona.

First Lesson: NPCs are there for a purpose. Sometimes it’s distracting the characters, perhaps even tricking them into distasteful situation (and vice versa – we all remember and cherish our dear Lucille), but one’s must remember the unlikely option that the NPC in question is in fact guiding the players, thus helping them avoid trouble.

Second Lesson: Countering the will of the others. Now, this might prove to be the right thing to do – if you have the means to back your stupid notes with acts! I know Tomer won’t be reading this pretty soon, but if you are a player who favors peace and harmony among the group (and I do wish to take you back to the glorious days of Marigorne) you had best pick Galdriel’s side of the matter when her royal pain in the ass decides to act foolishly while her player backs his ill-judgment with vicious threatening notes (no, not a bargain on my items), you just might find yourself hopelessly lost in black dwarf pieces.

Third Lesson: Playing a non-rogue character. Some characters are (heaven forbid!) rogues. Some are not. Rogues are quite useful when it comes to knowing people in the shady business. Others are not. Rogues are best suited to be played as such. Others are not!

Forth Lesson: Using magic on aasimars. God help me, I’m not about to start spreading probability calculations all over again, to put it in a sentence, I was not experiencing a good day with the dice... it was quite useless to try anything, the only way I see Galdriel enjoying ‘safe’ magic is via psionics – and we all know who’s in charge of that department... I won’t even go into the feeble combat abilities...

Fifth Lesson: A good Diet. Why on earth would anyone eat in a kibbutz? Why didn’t you just stop at some army base and order some loof? Did it ever pass you that we too, are suffering? Next time just eat diarrhea straight (no offense) from the sidewalk...

Jeez, it was as if you and Tomer were playing the fifth on a tuba and an anus...

Sixth Lesson: Learning from your mistakes. Suppose you’re opening a bottle. It’s coke. So cold you can see drops ebbing on the outside of the bottle. At this moment, a gush of sticky caramelized beverage is spilled on you and your entire surroundings. Great, huh? Now picture this: it’s Friday night. You’re going out to your regular club. The music is great and the alcohol is free (although the beer is stale), you are having a great time. Now suppose someone gave you something to smoke or perhaps some Hungarian vodka (extracted from bull testicles), you are now sick to your stomach, vomit is magically sprouting from your mouth making a great impersonation of a fountain. You want to die, but not as much as you desire your demise as in the next day, when hang-over seems to attack each and every aspect of your system. How many times can you make the same mistake over and over? Apparently, some of us are able to inflict self-torment upon them selves repeatedly (I find it ironic the same people use the term “stick and carrot” when they refer to others – Not to mention the nifty 45 minutes delay...). Next time we’re playing till the very end (if you have a problem with that, just write shorter adventures, or maybe don’t go about without sleep!) and I really don’t care if it means having a zombie for a DM (god knows you produce nose gremlins with better attitude than yourself – and you know what they say, one of the greatest achievements for a parent is to see his offspring thrive...). You’d better remember this next time.

A Conclusion: Things are about to change. If you think Kritz was annoying, Tomer foul and smelly, Yoav neurotic or Eyal spine-full (yea right!); you’ve seen nothing yet! I had enough of this crap. When you destroy a small piece of my solace (AD&D), that’s when I lose it!

Until next time, that’s all folks...